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Piping Specifications

1.5.2 All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centred around the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
3. All pipe is to be of the very best quality, preferably tubular or pipular.
4.3 All acid-proof pipe is to be made of acid-proof metal.
5. O.D. of all pipe must exceed the I.D. Otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
6. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
7.76 All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put on at the jobsites.
8. All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
9. All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words "Long Pipe" clearly painted on each end so that the fitter will know that it is long pipe.
10. Pipe over two miles in length must also have these words painted in the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of pipe to determine if it is long pipe or not.
11. All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words "Large Pipe" painted on it so that the fitter will not use it for small pipe.
12. All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
13. All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
14. No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight pipe becomes crooked pipe.

I have no idea of the source of the above gem, but the following proposed ammendments came from Walt McGowan of Seattle.

Item 5. If outside diameter is smaller than inside diameter, (putting the hole on the outside) this will make the hole easier to clean and polish.
Some pipe may be made from hollow bar. Also, solid pipe is often substituted for bar.
In discussing geometric properties, one may often hear things like, "pie are squared," when we all know that "pie are round."
The holes for pipe may be prefabricated on Air Lathes or extruded, then stored in a germ-free environment until required for assembly. This Hi-fidelity practice avoids Portistination when pipe is stored for long periods.
It is not only tantamount but nevertheless also.